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By Jack Hartley
My dad was the best cusser I have ever known. If the milk inspector gave him a bad report, or if his combine broke down just before finishing a field, or if he hit his finger with a hammer, as the expression was back then he would “cuss a blue streak.”
He could cuss for several minutes and never repeat himself. Without realizing it, he naturally passed this ability on to me.
Over the years, I was able to increase his cussing streak by adding a few choice words that he would never have been aware of.
Many years ago, I was in Kapple’s beer joint in Bates City and gave a guy who had it coming a good cussing. Thirty years later, a guy I didn’t know came up to me and said, “You know, I will never forget you giving that guy a cussing in Bates City. It was one of the best cussings I have ever heard. And the fight that followed wasn’t too bad, either.”
I have often thought on how I could capitalize on this ability and make some money. I would go in business and you could have me call whoever you wanted cussed out – a bill collector, a politician or a relative.
I keep in practice when I am going down the road by myself and a car pulls in front of me. Or, if I get a call from a bill collector from India, I give him some words he has never tried to translate.
One time a salesman was calling me up every night at the same time. I kept telling him I was not interested. I finally cut loose and let him have it. He wound up winning, because every night at midnight, he would call my phone and there would be no one on the line. I finally ended it by reporting him to his company.
I am sure this business idea I have would not work. At my age, I would forget to dial *67 before making the call (restricted caller ID), and I would have someone knocking on my door.
Jack can be reached at PO Box 40, Oak Grove, MO 64075 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Visit www.jackremembers.com