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If they’re big and hop, take a bead on ‘em

By Jason Offutt

There are questions that puzzle us all. Did humans evolve from apes? Is there life after death? How do you figure slugging percentage?
There are answers to all these questions – and I know them. Welcome to the world of Dr. Know, the guy who knows so much, Stephen Hawking asks him questions.
Q. Dear Dr. Know: I heard NASA is planning to send a manned mission to the dark side of the moon. We haven’t been to the moon for more than 30 years. Why do we need to go back, especially to the dark side?
A. Well, why did Adam Sandler remake “The Longest Yard?” It all has to do with money. Although a manned mission is an intriguing concept, there’s no reason to tamper with the Dark Side of the Moon. Pink Floyd’s classic 1973 album, featuring stunning vocals by Roger Waters and masterful guitar work by David Gilmour, was on the U.S. charts for more than 566 weeks and has proven as worthy as the Beatles’ White album. With the space program’s declining interest in exploration and its inability to keep Reptilian space entities from infiltrating our government, NASA has no business revisiting a classic rock album unless their next moon landing hoax needs a soundtrack.

For the complete column, see the June 30 print edition of the Richmond News.

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